What in the hell...

I am still reeling from the intense two weeks I have been having at work. It's been really difficult and exhausting but I think things are finally settling down. Seriously, irl took over everything. But with this experience comes more questions.

Why?

I know that seems pretty vague; I am still trying to get my thoughts together as I wake up. But the never ending thought that 'people are assholes' keeps playing in my mind. And this is why.

I love my new job. It's more than a job for me as I have said before. It's a career. And I have been working my ass off to prove my value to the company because I want to stay long term. And it's been great because the owner has been giving me several graphic design projects that have gone over very well under time-crunching deadlines (two days; but I still nailed it and am so proud!). So, other than the projects there is, of course, the normal work of maintenance and the like for the fish. There's a LOT of product knowledge to learn in this hobby. Mainly because it evolves and new things are being discovered and tried all the time. 

Here is the difficult part; I always seem to have a rough start to wherever I work be it training, being a 'ghost employee' and other weird things. Well when I was hired on board, we were moving locations from one city to the other. That was fine by me even after having less than 10 min commute to bumping it up to 40 (gotta make sacrifices). A lot of the training I had was inconsistent but it's really understandable considering the hectic time of moving more than a thousand gallons of salt water tanks.

So, I had a slow learning start for the job while we work things out at the new store (which was just as difficult). This apparently was not good enough for the other three employees who were working for the store (even though the second newest one was only less than a week older than me in terms of hiring). I have done nothing but try my damned best for the company and been as positive as I can be during these difficult times from store and employee issues to feeling crummy because it was the 5th year anniversary of my mom's birthday without her.

But I will say this right now, if you can't face someone with problems outright and feel you have to talk about others behind their back: you are a piece of shit. And that is what happened to me and why I detest more than half the population of people. It hurts more than anything to have someone shit on my work ethics when I have really strong ones. To call me an idiot because I am not learning quick enough, giving bad advice (literally happened once only because I was not told most puffer fish eat corals), and being lazy. My hurt is greater than my rage right now. Especially when I felt we had all been getting along and I could ask for good advice. Apparently not because I was being set up to fail. I was having to pick up the slack while they lazed about, taking lunches together while I worked, etc. Yet they were turning around and claiming my work. Who the hell does that?! Well, besides art thieves and the like, but still. 

I had no idea more than half of this was going on until I was informed by my manager, who was kind enough to explain everything that had gone on and with good reason. Those three had been pushing to have me fired because of this one negative girl. And it's sad because she pushed them to think so negatively not just about me, but about our manager as well (which makes NO sense because she is awesome and one of the best managers I have had). Nit picking at the stupidest things that can be fixed later down the road once we build a solid foundation for the store. 

Really when it comes down to it, this girl was just looking to abuse the discount of the store and do whatever she wanted because she believed our manager would never fire anyone. 

And this is what happened. Our manager and owner had to be at a business con to represent our company. We were left in charge of the store. When they came back, my three coworkers corner my manager. They gave her the ultimatum: them or me. REALLY?! Why the hell would you even do that, are you for fucking serious? How old are you? Twelve?

And here is where the amazing karma kicks in for me. She willingly let three people go to keep me because she has faith in my potential for the company. I have NEVER had a manager defend me in such a manner. It makes me feel amazing to know that my hard work was being seen and not the lies my coworkers had been weaving. And what's even better is we have this new guy who is AWESOME. He is such a quick learner and so much fun to work with. He had been a new regular and had dealt with my coworkers as well, and it was great when he commented how he would always see me running around and doing stuff instead of sitting down. Even nicer when he said if they tried to come in and talk smack, he'd give them a piece of his mind. We also have another new hire who is a bit serious but he gets along with the other well and he's not afraid to ask questions and double check. Like the other. And that's all I can ask for. Already you can feel a lift in the store. Like a dark cloud finally floated away with all the negativity that has been going on. And when my boss says she is proud of me at the end of the day, I feel like I belong and I have found my niche in life.

So yesterday was my first day off in a while (over a week). Around 11pm last night I get this text from my best friend (pretty much sister and we've been asked before if we were because we sound a bit alike and if I dye my hair red we look even more alike than now). Her bf of 4 years broke up with her. And all I am thinking is WHAT WHAT WHAT. No. It couldn't be true. No way. They just got back from his sisters wedding too. My heart just broke when I heard her on the phone and rushed over to be with her. It was just... awful. Why. He had told her he had needed to talk to her... and that he had always liked her but not in the way of... I guess what could really push it to the very next level of the relationship (which she and I thought was going to happen). He had gotten used to being in the relationship. And it's so upsetting because she really really loved him. I just... my heart hurts for her. And I am going to do all I can to be there for her; so yeah, don't be surprised if I poof again.

People... just be honest. In the end, you are hurting others in the long run by letting things go on or not being upfront. Not everyone is going to like each other. We're all different and have quirks. But lying won't fix anything.

I need a vacation from people.